When I lived in Colombia for a period, I was excited to immerse myself in the culture and learn Spanish. I had travelled to Latin America before, but aside from a handful of survival phrases, I didn't speak the language. Despite that, I was eager to dive into learning. I was sure that if I immersed myself enough, fluency would come quickly. Spoiler alert: it did not.
I was already juggling entrepreneurial projects and adjusting to a new culture, but my pain, fatigue, and cognitive dysfunction made learning a new language feel like an uphill battle. The more my fibromyalgia symptoms worsened (due to stressful events), the more I struggled to process information and communicate effectively.
Sitting in meetings, understanding the gist but unable to respond the way I wanted, left me feeling very frustrated. My business partner, who already spoke English and French, picked up Spanish quickly. In contrast, I felt stuck. A limiting belief began to creep in: maybe I just wasn’t capable of learning a new language. But the truth is, there were significant barriers I hadn’t factored in—like stress and chronic illness—which made learning a language exceptionally difficult. Here’s why:
Cognitive Dysfunction (Fibro Fog): Fibromyalgia affects memory and concentration, making it hard to retain vocabulary and grammar rules. I’ve had days where I struggle to recall words in English, let alone Spanish.
Fatigue: Chronic fatigue limits the mental and physical energy needed for focused learning. Language acquisition requires consistency, and with fluctuating energy levels, progress was often slow and inconsistent.
Pain: Constant pain distracts from focusing on conversations. I recall one meeting where someone remarked that I just needed to "try harder" to learn Spanish. What they didn’t know was that I was in the middle of a painful flare, barely managing to stay present, let alone communicate in a second language.
Sleep Disturbances: Poor sleep, the hallmark of fibromyalgia, affects cognitive function and memory retention. Without rest, the brain struggles to hold onto new information.
Stress Sensitivity: The stress of language learning can worsen fibromyalgia symptoms, creating a cycle where stress hinders learning, and poor progress increases stress.
Despite knowing these barriers existed, I still carried a lot of shame. Whenever someone would ask, “Are you fluent yet?”, I felt a pang of disappointment. I was already working hard just to manage (survive) my symptoms, and yet here I was, feeling inadequate because of my language skills.
The Turning Point: Understanding My Nervous System
Things began to shift when I started learning about nervous system regulation and the role of the vagus nerve. This knowledge was really affirming for me. The vagus nerve connects the brain and body and plays a crucial role in regulating stress responses, emotional well-being, and even communication. Understanding this gave me a new perspective not only on my health but also on my language-learning journey.
The nervous system isn’t always calm—it naturally shifts in response to stress. The key is staying within what's known as the Window of Regulation (Tolerance), a concept developed by Dr. Dan Siegel. Within this window, we can manage stress and still function effectively. However, when we move outside of it, we enter states of hyperarousal (fight/flight) or hypoarousal (freeze/shutdown). These states make learning and communication difficult. While these responses are natural, prolonged periods in these states can lead to dysregulation.
Fibromyalgia, with its roots in a chronically dysregulated nervous system, means we are often living outside our Window of Regulation This dysregulation impacts everything—especially our ability to focus and learn. Chronic stress can also narrow our window, making us more susceptible to feeling overwhelmed by stressors.
For a while, I couldn’t figure out why I could spend hours speaking Spanish with some people, but then, if a stranger said something to me, my body would tense, and the words wouldn’t register. Neuroception is the subconscious detection of safety or danger, influencing how we perceive and respond to challenges. The amygdala, a part of our survival brain, can become "over-protective" when it senses danger, even in safe situations. This affects focus, emotions and our default stress responses (fight, flight, freeze, etc.). Early in my learning journey, I had personal experiences that left me feeling disempowered. I realized I was associating Spanish with vulnerability because I couldn’t defend myself as easily as I could in English. Exaggerated amygdala activation is common in PTSD, anxiety, social anxiety, and even persistent worrying.
I used to joke that with Spanish, it felt like I was trying to run before I could walk. I was constantly pushing past my neurobiological limits, diving into challenges too big for my nervous system to handle. No wonder my progress felt stuck.
A New Approach: Learning with Self-Compassion
With this new understanding, I realized that pushing and shaming myself wasn’t the answer. Instead, I needed a gentler approach to learning, one that worked with my body, not against it.
Here are some of the changes I made:
Break Learning into Smaller Chunks: Rather than trying to power through long study sessions every day, I generally stick to 10 to 15-minute blocks of learning (along with a one- hour class each week). This helps me stay consistent without exhausting myself.
Use a Variety of Methods: I incorporate multi-sensory learning—listening, reading, writing, and speaking in short bursts. My Spanish teacher incorporates poetry, music, and a variety of games that require focus without inducing anxiety. Connecting play to learning has made it more fun and motivating for me!
Focus on Connection, Not Perfection: I no longer strive for flawless grammar or perfect sentence structures (which wasn't happening anyway!). Instead, I prioritize connections and practicing in real-life settings. Particularly in environments that feel safe and less stimulating (like a coffee shop versus a bar). Letting go of the need for perfection has alleviated pressure and allowed me to view mistakes as opportunities for improvement. After all, there is no growth without mistakes. This shift also reconnected me with my values and my “why” for learning Spanish—not to become fluent in X number of months, but to effectively communicate in both my personal and professional life.
Align Study with Energy Levels*: I’ve learned to recognize when my brain is sharpest and schedule study time accordingly (which can vary each day). This way, I’m not forcing myself to learn when I’m already fatigued or foggy.
Repetition for Retention: To counteract brain (fibro) fog and improve memory, I revisit vocabulary with flashcards, apps, or labels around the house, making learning more organic. When I learn a new word, I make a point to use it as many times as possible that week, even if it’s just to myself.
Nervous System Support: Tools like EFT (tapping), deep breathing, and other somatic techniques have been invaluable for me. They help me stay within my Window of Tolerance, creating an internal environment that's more conducive to effective learning. Stress arises when pressure exceeds our capacity to cope, which blocks the brain's ability to process sensory information. Reconnecting with the body is essential for managing emotions and restoring regulation.
Celebrate Progress, No Matter How Small: I’ve let go of the pressure to become fluent by a certain time and now celebrate even the smallest of victories. Progress may be slower than originally planned, and that’s okay.
*Everyone is going to have a different approach to goal-setting based not just on living with chronic illness, but also on their nervous system state, learning style and personality. I believe a gentle, less regimented goal-setting approach yields better results for people living with chronic illness, and those who are navigating chronic stress/dysregulation.
For example, instead of committing to one hour of language studying every morning at 8 a.m., consider a gentler goal like finding creative ways to incorporate language learning into your day. This could be as simple as naming ingredients aloud while you cook or narrating what you see during a walk. This way, you can still meet your goal and gradually increase the challenge as it feels manageable.
Embracing the Journey
Learning Spanish remains a goal I’m passionate about, but now I approach it with much more self-compassion. I’ve realized that on days when I’m too fatigued or in pain, switching to English isn’t a failure—it’s a form of self-care. Language learning, much like managing chronic illness, doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
By tuning into my body’s signals and regulating my nervous system, I’ve found a way to keep moving forward, at my own pace. This gentle approach has allowed me to make steady progress while being kinder to myself along the way.
What are your favourite strategies for learning a new language?
Resources:
Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W W Norton & Co.
Porges, S. W. (2022). Polyvagal Theory: A Science of Safety. Frontiers in Intergrative
Neuroscience(16). https://doi.org/10.3389/fnint.2022.871227
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