Gentle Holiday Strategies When Living with Chronic Illness

Getting into the holiday spirit

As the end of the year approaches, I want to address a topic that many of us struggle with: navigating the holidays.

For those already managing chronic illness or burnout, this season can bring additional layers of stress. The pressure to keep up with family gatherings, holiday parties, and endless to-do lists can make it challenging to prioritize your well-being.

On top of that, with the political climate and global events creating tension in many families, the holidays may feel especially overwhelming this year.

Now let’s dive into some strategies for navigating this season in a way that supports both your health and happiness:

#1 - Acknowledge the Challenges of the Holiday Season

The holiday season can be overwhelming for anyone, but for those managing chronic illness or burnout, it can feel like an additional burden. Socializing, preparing meals, shopping, and attending events can easily push us beyond our limits. Add the emotional strain of navigating family dynamics or difficult conversations, and it can quickly become too much.

It’s important to recognize that the holidays look different for everyone, and that’s okay. You don’t need to measure your worth by how many events you attend or how perfectly you execute traditions. Instead, focus on creating a season that honours your unique needs and circumstances. Nothing in life is static, and our approach shouldn't be either.

#2 - Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries may feel challenging, but it’s an important act of self-preservation that allows you to show up for others in ways that feel manageable.

Consider setting limits on:

• The number of events or activities you’ll attend

• How much energy, time, or money you’re willing to spend

• Topics you’re comfortable discussing, especially if they’re triggering or stress-inducing

Loved ones may not fully understand your health conditions, which can lead to insensitive comments. It’s important to protect your emotional health in these situations, and that may mean setting boundaries around sensitive topics or recognizing when to step away.

Practical boundary-setting tips:

• Conversation Limits: Excuse yourself from triggering discussions or steer the conversation to neutral topics. Having a mental list of "safe topics" can help.

• Know Your Limits: Recognize when you’re reaching your capacity and permit yourself to step back before feeling overwhelmed. Step outside, find a quiet space or let others know in advance you may need alone time.

• Communicate Openly: If a family member’s behaviour is causing you stress, address it early to prevent resentment. If a conversation isn’t possible, remind yourself their behaviour reflects them, not you. (I know this can sometimes take herculean strength).

• Ask for Support: Let loved ones know what you can and can’t do. Saying no to certain activities or events is okay- quality time matters more than quantity.

• Check in With Your Body: Pay attention to bodily sensations and signs of stress, like irritation or tension. Adjusting your posture (maintaining a vertical length) can improve breath, vocal tone, and nervous system regulation, which helps with communication.

I’ve found that frustration with loved ones lessened when I stopped expecting them to fully understand my health challenges. Instead of seeing it as rejection, I remind myself that people see things through the lens of their own experiences. While that's not in my control, I can ensure that I'm communicating my needs clearly (e.g. outlining dietary restrictions) and planning accordingly (e.g. bringing extra gluten-free snacks).

#3 - Manage Energy and Expectations

Energy management is especially key during the holiday season. With so many demands on your time and energy, it’s essential to plan and pace yourself. Prioritize what truly matters to you and recognize that you can’t do everything. 

To manage your energy effectively:

• Pace Yourself: Review your calendar early and try to spread out activities instead of cramming everything into one week.

• Schedule Rest: Schedule (non-negotiable) rest days and make time for relaxation. Rest and recharge are just as important as celebrations.

• Let Go of Perfectionism: The holidays don’t need to be flawless. Focus on what feels authentic and achievable. Recognizing patterns like perfectionism, which is related to flight energy (hyperarousal) and shame (hypoarousal), can help you approach the season with more ease.

• Outsource or Delegate: Order in, host a potluck or ask for help with tasks like shopping and cooking. Sharing responsibilities lightens the load.

• Rethink Gift-Giving: Consider white elephant exchanges, pooling resources for shared experiences, or donating to a meaningful cause as a family.

  
  

#4 - Self-Care Strategies

Self-care doesn’t have to be complicated or time-consuming, but it’s especially important during the busy holiday season. Taking intentional steps to care for your physical, emotional, and mental well-being can help you navigate the festivities with greater ease.

Stress arises when the demands placed on us exceed our capacity to cope or maintain resilience. In these moments, sensory signals from the body can get disrupted before reaching the thinking brain, leaving us feeling destabilized, overwhelmed, or disconnected. Integrating signals from both the brain and body facilitates a return to regulation so that we can better manage emotions.

Here are some self-care strategies to support you:

• Check In with Your Nervous System: Pay attention to signs of dysregulation, such as too much-mobilized energy (anxiety, anger, irritation) or not enough (feeling flat, dissociated, or sad). Awareness is the first step toward making adjustments that help you feel regulated.

• Prioritize Rest and Recovery: Sleep and rest are vital, especially if you’re managing fatigue. Try to maintain a consistent sleep schedule, and take downtime/naps as needed.

• Mindful Eating: Holiday meals are often rich and indulgent, so aim to balance nourishment with enjoyment. There’s no guilt in savouring delicious food! Just remember there is a strong correlation between our brain and gut health. In addition, if stress takes you out of your Window of Tolerance, digestion can be impacted, as the vagus nerve plays a crucial role in processes like gastric emptying. This connection is also central to understanding conditions like IBS, now recognized as a gut-brain interaction disorder (in case you're wondering why your IBS is worse during the holidays).

• Gentle Movement: Incorporate stretching or short walks to stay grounded and relieve tension. Movement can also double as personal time to decompress.

• Stress-Reduction Techniques: Choose practices suited to your nervous system state, energy level and preference, such as mindfulness, slow deep 1:1 breathing (with equal inhalations and exhalations), shaking (discharge mobilized energy) or EFT tapping.

#5 -  Embracing Flexibility and Imperfection

The holidays don’t have to look like a Hallmark movie to be meaningful. Let go of the need for everything to be perfect and allow yourself the flexibility to make the season work for you. Modify traditions or create new ones that suit your energy levels and circumstances right now.

Reflecting on your values and priorities helps identify what truly matters. In my family, we stopped exchanging Christmas gifts among the adults. There's no need to spend money on things we don’t need, and with my background in waste management, I feel strongly about reducing excess! We now prioritize spending quality time together and creating memories, especially since we don’t all live in the same city.

If this approach resonates with you, here are some activities you might enjoy incorporating into your holidays:

Cozy and Creative:

• Holiday Movie Marathon: Create a lineup of your favorite holiday classics or check out some new films. My family always includes Elf on our list, along with the essential snacks- popcorn, hot chocolate, candy canes, etc.

• DIY Ornament Making: Gather craft supplies and make personalized ornaments for your tree or to gift. This is especially fun to do with kids (or kids at heart).

• Gingerbread House Decorating: Set up a decorating station with frosting, candy, and pre-made gingerbread pieces. There are even gluten-free kits for my fellow celiacs!

• Christmas Cookie Bake-Off: Spend an afternoon together baking cookies and other sweets, then trade and taste-test each other’s creations.

• Holiday Photo Booth: Traditional family photos can be a bit stiff. Instead, it could be fun to set up a DIY photo booth with festive props for some fun and silly group photos.

  
  

The Great Outdoors:

• Winter Nature Walk: Explore a local park or trail with hot drinks in hand and enjoy the winter scenery.

• Snow Day Fun: Build snowmen, have a snowball fight, or go sledding together. I’m personally not a fan of cold weather, but I love the idea of these activities!

• Christmas Lights Tour: My family loves walking or driving through neighbourhoods known for their extravagant holiday lights and decorations.

  
  

Community and Connection:

• Volunteer Together: Spending time serving your community can be a meaningful activity. Consider options like sorting food at a food bank, donating clothing, or making blankets/little hats for NICU babies. Some organizations may require background checks or time commitments, so be sure to check in advance.

• Talent Show: Share your talents with each other- sing Christmas carols, put on a skit, or show off a hidden skill. This could be especially fun if you’re gathering with a big group of family or friends.

• Write Holiday Cards: Create heartfelt cards for extended family, friends, or those who might not have anyone to celebrate with (e.g., nursing home residents). I’ve come to appreciate physical cards and letters even more now., it makes for a nice keepsake

  
  

Reflective and Intimate Moments:

• Memory Sharing: Take turns sharing favourite holiday memories or something you’re grateful for. Savouring past moments of joy can ground us and help us co-regulate with others. Plus, sometimes we forget good memories that others can remind us of!

• Create Vision Boards: I love making vision boards! Whether it’s on Canva or with magazines, it’s a fun way to envision goals and dreams for the coming year. It could be extra fun to make a vision board with loved ones to share and co-create hopes for the future.

  
  

Chronic Illness and the Holidays

Navigating the holidays while living with chronic illness or experiencing burnout requires a balance of self-compassion, flexibility, and support. By setting boundaries, managing your energy, practicing self-care, and being patient with yourself (and others), you can create a holiday season that feels enjoyable rather than draining.

Rooted & Rising is a weekly newsletter about intentional living and nervous system regulation. It’s designed to support people navigating the world with chronic illness, burnout, or neurodiversity—offering gentle tools to shift limiting beliefs and deepen self-connection. Join here.