In this Blog:
When you’re managing symptoms, juggling appointments, trying out new treatments, and navigating daily life, you probably don't want to add anything else to your plate. However, finding a sense of purpose through hobbies, personal goals, or professional endeavors can be incredibly rewarding and supportive when living with chronic illness.
Finding Purpose When Life Feels Limited
Having something you genuinely care about and that brings you excitement, can make a big difference in how you view yourself and your circumstances. Connecting with a sense of purpose builds resilience, creates hope, and brings a sense of accomplishment. Experiencing joy also releases ‘feel-good’ hormones that can enhance both emotional and physical health.
When our capacity is reduced, options can feel limited, and that may be true. However, while some aspects of yourself may seem lost, new strengths and opportunities can emerge. You might be pleasantly surprised by what you discover and gain as you work toward your goals.
My Journey Toward Purpose
Around the time I developed fibromyalgia, I co-founded several recycling initiatives, including a start-up. I’ll be the first to admit that the timing wasn’t ideal. During this period, I didn’t pace myself or regulate stress well. I took on more than I could handle, faced a lot of external stressors, and didn’t always seek the support I needed.
Despite some early missteps, I believe that having these goals provided a valuable anchor during those uncertain years. I found a purpose beyond myself and chronic illness, something to which I could dedicate my time and energy. The teamwork required to build something inspired me, and I gained confidence realizing that even challenges (or flares) couldn’t stop me forever.
With limited energy, I focused on tasks I genuinely enjoyed and excelled at, letting go of those that didn’t resonate. It was affirming to see that my goals truly mattered, as I had to make intentional choices and prioritize based on my limitations.
How to Discover Your Purpose
Everyone’s purpose is unique, and it can evolve over time. Purpose is your overarching “why” that guides your direction. Your values and qualities shape this purpose by clarifying what matters to you and who you want to be, while your intentions are actionable goals that help you move toward that purpose.
If you’re exploring your purpose right now, here are some tips to help you gain clarity:
1. Clarify Your Core Values
Start by identifying the principles that are most important to you. Your core values guide decisions and actions. Ask yourself:
What do I stand for?
What values are essential for me to live by?
2. Recognize Your Qualities
Think about the strengths, traits, or characteristics that you naturally possess or admire in others. Reflect on times these qualities have served you and others.
What qualities have helped me in the past?
Which qualities do I want to nurture further?
3. Brainstorm Your Intentions
Now, identify what intentions matter to you right now. These are your goals, focuses, or aspirations that align with your values and qualities.
What do I want to create or experience in my life right now?
What’s most important to me at this moment?
4. Prioritize Intentions
Group your intentions into categories: Essential, Moderately Important, and Low Priority.
Which intentions are most aligned with my values and where I want to grow right now?
What deeper purpose connects these values, qualities and intentions?
5. Let Ideas Flow Freely
During the brainstorming and prioritization process, let your thoughts flow without overthinking or editing yourself. Make space for creativity and unexpected ideas to surface.
What new ideas emerge when I give myself space to think without judgment?
Working Towards Your Purpose
Gentle Goal-Setting
Gentle goal-setting helps you make steady progress while honouring your limitations. The aim is to create achievable, meaningful goals that align with your current capacity. Over time, these small steps can build into something significant, fueling your sense of purpose without overwhelming you.
Now that you have a shortlist of your key intentions, here’s how to set goals that support them:
Set Realistic Expectations: Base your goals on your current abilities and priorities. This approach keeps goals attainable and aligned with your energy and resources.
Embrace Flexibility: Build extra time into your timelines so you can adapt as needed. This flexibility helps you manage health fluctuations or setbacks without feeling stressed or discouraged.
Take Small Steps: Break goals into manageable tasks. Don’t hesitate to delegate, ask for help, or let go of tasks if needed. “It’s the journey, not the destination” may be a cliché, but it holds true here. Celebrate each milestone, no matter how small.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself, especially when things don’t go as planned. Life isn’t a race. Rest when needed, and resume (with adjustments if necessary) when you’re ready.
Prioritize Holistic Well-Being: Use mind-body practices to stay attuned to your physical and emotional needs. Consistently check in with your nervous system, and provide support based on its current state (whether fight/flight, freeze, etc.). Don’t wait until you’re feeling burnt out or experiencing a flare.
2. Partnering with Your Nervous System
Understanding your limits:
Finding your purpose requires understanding your unique limits — both neurobiological (brain and body) and personal. Dr. Dan Siegel developed the Window of Tolerance, which is the optimal zone of “arousal” for a person to function in everyday life. When a person is operating within their window, they can effectively manage and cope with their emotions.
Many chronic illnesses develop during or after periods of emotional and physical stress. With fibromyalgia, the nervous system is stuck in the stress response. As a result, people who live with chronic illness may find it difficult to regulate emotions and their window may be reduced.
Knowing your limits across different areas can help you choose goals and activities that align with your capacity and keep you within your window:
Physical: How much physical activity can your body handle before exacerbating symptoms (e.g., pain)?
Cognitive: How long can you focus on a task before mental fatigue or brain fog sets in?
Energetic: How long can you work productively before you need a significant rest?
Psychological: How much stress can you handle without becoming overwhelmed or experiencing a flare?
Emotional: How long can you manage conflict or challenging situations before becoming emotionally dysregulated or reactive?
These limitations are shaped by childhood, past experiences, and life circumstances (e.g flares). Meeting ourselves where we are and gradually expanding our comfort zones to set bigger goals will have the best long-term results.
Improving Vagal Tone
The vagus nerve is a network of nerve connections that begins at the base of the brainstem, branches through the lungs, and extends down to the gut. It’s a central part of our autonomic nervous system and plays a vital role in emotional health.
Vagal tone refers to the activity level of the vagus nerve and offers insights into an individual’s resilience to stress. High vagal tone is associated with more efficient autonomic regulation and greater adaptability to physiological and environmental challenges. In contrast, low vagal tone generally indicates a heightened vulnerability to stress, especially if it persists over time.
The vagus nerve helps regulate our heart rate. When we inhale, our heart rate increases, mobilizing energy for focus and action. When we exhale, our heart rate slows, helping us return to a calmer state. This mobilizing energy is essential for concentration but requires careful management to avoid overstimulation.
A flexible nervous system can smoothly transition between states, which is essential for optimal performance. After chronic stress or illness, however, low vagal tone can make it harder to regulate these transitions, leading to overactivation.
The goal is to engage in challenges that bring in mobilizing energy while carefully managing it to avoid triggering a fight-or-flight response. Your goals should be challenging and require focus, but they should stay within the “stretch zone” of your Window of Tolerance, preventing overwhelm. For example, learning a new language requires focus, discipline, and consistent effort, but you can adjust study hours and milestones to ensure you don’t push yourself beyond your limits.
You can read about my journey learning Spanish with fibromyalgia in this blog post.
Tip: Incorporate tools and techniques for stress management and relaxation, such as breathwork, guided meditation, EFT tapping, mindful walking, and shaking (discharging energy). People will require different tools depending on their nervous system state, past experiences and the situation.
3. Pacing and Adapting
When your energy is limited, where you allocate your time becomes critical. Pacing involves spreading activities throughout the day to avoid exacerbating pain or fatigue. It’s a process of learning to manage your activities effectively, considering fluctuating energy levels and symptoms. As we build tolerance and increase capacity, we can slowly expand activities and take on bigger challenges.
Here are some tips for effective pacing:
Track Daily Activities: Begin by tracking your current daily activities (like cooking or laundry) to understand their energy demands. This can help you identify tasks to cut back or modify.
Schedule Rest Days: Plan rest days in advance to prevent burnout or flares. Proactively add these rest days to your calendar, treating them as seriously as any other commitment.
Assess Available Energy for Goals: Now that you understand the energy allocated to daily activities and have scheduled rest, you’ll have a clearer view of the time available for goals and hobbies. Continuing with the language-learning example, even dedicating 10 minutes to Duolingo daily (perhaps from bed) is a meaningful first step.
Start with Small, Achievable Tasks: Begin with less strenuous tasks that still contribute to your goal. This approach is gentler on your nervous system and allows for confidence-boosting wins.
4. Building a Supportive Network
Co-regulation is the process by which individuals help each other regulate their emotional and physiological states. Supportive relationships can enhance our resilience and coping strategies, enabling us to manage stress more effectively. Conversely, lacking a solid support network can lead to increased dysregulation, making it harder to manage symptoms and achieve goals.
No one achieves their full potential alone — we all need support and encouragement. Together, we are stronger, more resilient, and capable of reaching further than we ever could on our own.
A coach can be a valuable part of your support network, helping bridge the gap between what you want to achieve and what you’re currently doing. Curious about 1:1 coaching through a gentle goal-setting approach? Book a complimentary discovery call here.
Conclusion
Whether it’s a passion project, a personal or professional goal, or simply a hobby that brings you joy, having a purpose gives us an outlet to reclaim our identities beyond chronic illness.
By setting gentle goals, understanding your limits, supporting your nervous system, and pacing yourself, you can effectively balance your aspirations with your well-being. Remember, purpose isn’t about doing more — it’s about focusing on what truly matters to you and creating space for it in a way that honours both your journey and your health.
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